Six Biblical Guidelines for Loving Each Other Amid Differences

Posted on Apr 28, 2009

The following six principles were given by John Piper, pastor of Bethlehem Baptist Church in Minnesota, as a challenge and encouragement to his fellow pastors and their wives about keeping unity in the midst of our differences. As I was reading the principles, I was amazed at the wisdom that saturates them. Therefore, I am posting them here with hopes that they will take root in our lives.

1. Let’s avoid gossiping.

The New Testament warns against gossiping. The Greek word translated “gossip” means whisper or whisperer. In other words, the focus is not on the falsehood of the word but on the fact that it needs to be surreptitious. It is not open and candid and forthright. It has darkness about it. It does not operate in the light of love. It is not aiming at healing. It strokes the ego’s desire to be seen as right without playing by the rules of love.

For I fear that perhaps when I come I may find…that perhaps there may be quarreling, jealousy, anger, hostility, slander, gossip, conceit, and disorder. (2 Corinthians 12:20)

2. Let’s identify evidences of grace in each other and speak them to each other and about each other.

The church in Corinth was deeply flawed. But Paul found reason to thank God for them because of “the grace of God that was given you in Christ Jesus” (1 Corinthians 1:4). The most flawed pastor on this staff—and we are all flawed—is a work of grace. It honors Christ, and keeps criticism in perspective, to see it and say it often.

3. Let’s speak criticism directly to each other if we feel the need to speak to others about it.

The point is not that we will always agree on everything, especially the practical application of shared principles. Paul’s word in Romans 12:18 is, “If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all.” It may not be possible, but we should try.

4. Let’s look for, and assume, the best motive in the other’s viewpoint, especially when we disagree.

When Paul deals with disagreement in Romans 14, one of the things he appeals to is that those with opposite practical convictions have identical heart-motives. “The one who eats, eats in honor of the Lord, since he gives thanks to God, while the one who abstains, abstains in honor of the Lord and gives thanks to God” (Romans 14:6). Christ-honoring passions, Paul says, can unite us in spite of differences of application.

5. Think often of the magnificent things we hold in common.

But may all who seek you rejoice and be glad in you; may those who love your salvation say continually, “Great is the Lord!” (Psalm 40:16)

To mention a few things we hold in common: the Elder Affirmation of Faith, the sovereignty of God, the supremacy of his glory in all things, the majesty and meekness of Christ, the all-sufficiency of his saving work, the precious and very great promises summed up in Romans 8:28 and 8:32, the value and sweetness of the Bible, the power and patience of the Holy Spirit in transforming us, the hope of glory, a profound biblical vision of manhood and womanhood, a common global mission to see the nations know Christ…

6. Let’s be more amazed that we are forgiven than that we are right. And in that way, let’s shape our relationships by the gospel.

Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you…. And walk in love, as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us. (Ephesians 4:32-5:2)

“The one who is forgiven little loves little” (Luke 7:47). In other words, think more of your own sins and how amazing it is that God saved you than you do about the other person’s flaws.

A Principle to Guide Your Preferences

Posted on Apr 27, 2009

I don’t like most rap music. I also don’t like most country music. I don’t like fried chicken. And I really don’t like any kind of nuts.

“What,” you might ask, “does that have to do with anything?”

Well, for some reason these are my preferences. Some people, actually, many people, would probably disagree with them. The reason for this is because all people have different preferences about certain things. Some people like certain things one way, and a whole other group of people would like it even another way.

We are functioning in this culture with a “Have it Your Way” mentality. Personally, I think that is great when it comes to many things in our culture. I like customization. I really enjoy being able to pull up at a fast food place and tell them exactly what I a want. I really envy kids who, when they are sick, now have the option of putting a flavor in those old, nasty antibiotics and other medications that made me gag when I was a kid. Overall, the adaptation of culture to accomodate the preferences of most people is a cool thing.

However, when we bring this mentality into places where preferences and customization don’t really apply, then that creates chaos. For instance, it would be impossible for a person to get on an airplane and tell the flight attendant, “I am really glad to be flying, but I really don’t like turbulence. Could you find a way to fly without it?” Or imagine going into a doctor’s office and telling them, “I am really glad that you can heal me, but could you please do it without examining me? I really hate the way it feels when you stick that tongue-thing down my throat.”

Ultimately, when it comes to timeless things, things that transcend our preferences, we really have no right to demand change.

So, when we apply this understanding to our experience of gathering together as a church family there is something great and precious to learn. In fact, you can apply this specifically to when preferences collide on a generational level in a church body. One generation prefers a more traditional type of service with particular song genres (hymns), instruments (piano and organ), vestiges (choir robes), etc. Another generation prefers a more contemporary type of service with particular song genres (rock, contemporary acoustic-driven songs), instruments (guitars, drums, keyboards) and vestiges (anything but “formal”). What should the outcome be when preferences collide? Should the church split to form two new services? …two new churches? …different points of emphasis during the month/year? …should one preference win the day over the other?

Among the variety of questions that would be asked by anyone in this situation, most of our answers breed disunity instead of unity. It is for this reason that I would encourage another option: acceptance.

Could it be possible for a younger generation to joyfully accept and applaud the preferences of the older generation? And likewise is it possible for an older generation to joyfully accept and applaud the preferences of the younger generation? Absolutely, but there must be a principle that guides our attitude; and that principle is this: each generation embraces the Gospel of Jesus Christ in different ways and it is the responsibility and privilege of other generations to rejoice that other generations are embracing the Gospel.

If our attitudes towards each other are guided by this principle, then it is no longer and battle between the gray-hairs and the green-horns. It is a church family that is unified around the attitude of Jesus, who “emptied Himself” (Philippians 2:5-11).

In conclusion, I will leave you with an illustration that my pastor used a few weeks ago. As a church family, we have the option of being like a bag of marbles or a bag of grapes. When conflict arises, we can clang around and bash against each other like the bag of marbles. Or when conflict over preferences arises, we can be like the bag of grapes, bumping together and getting squeezed only makes us come together more and become one.